week 10.5

This is my first pregnancy blog. It's exciting and slightly intimidating to write about something that so many women have endured! However, I feel that there's always room for a new thought now and then, an old reminder and a continuance of encouragement to those who are pregnant. I named this blog pregnancy joys which may be slightly fallacious, en lieu of the morning sickness, bone weary exhaustion, memory loss, muscle aches, weight gain and all of the other things that come with the simple little plus sign. However, there is so much joy in pregnancy and birth and raising children. What an honor to be permitted into this circle and discuss all that we may go through in this short, never ending period of our lives.
This is my second pregnancy which is already so different than my first. I have a beautiful 16 month old little boy, which at least lends to the belief that there's a light at the end of this tunnel. No I will not be pregnant forever and it is all worth it. Even in the midst of running to the toilet bowl there's something powerful in the growth of new life.
I am not one of those women who holds pregnancy as the most exalted time of their lives. I feel I need to get this out of the way early in this blog. While I greatly admire women who make carrying a child into this Grecian god-like experience, it has not been true for me. Pregnancy is definitely an enduring for me, a marking to the end. My body is not my favorite, I do not feel great, I'm tired, hormonal, and very excited about birthing and then the ability to nurse and get my body back.
There must be a brain malfunctioning that happens when women decide that they want to go ahead and try for another baby. This is not for you glorious pregnant women. I actually forgot the misery and morning sickness that lasts all day. I do not know where my head was when my husband started talking about wanting another. I agreed, yes, it would be wonderful, yes, Judah needs a friend, okay, why not! We didn't expect to get pregnant quite as quickly as we did. We'd just agreed to stop prohibiting the sperm and egg from being buddies and boom they said 'hey let's fall in love and make babies'! Hence the plus sign at the end of a long day of nausea. I am excited, despite living in one of the hottest places in the world and dreading the thought of summer, soon my little boy will have a friend. And. I will discover if it is actually possible to love another the way I love my son. I hear that it happens, the miracle of birth and holding your new baby just makes your heart swell, but at this moment I cannot believe that I could ever love another little thing the way I love my boy. It's exciting. Though if this miracle doesn't happen I guess I'll just have to give it away. It's not right to grow up in a loveless family. I am being facetious. The thought will only cross my mind. I more than likely won't act on it. No, I'm sure that this miracle is already beginning and as I couldn't imagine the love a mother has for her child I can't imagine feeling it twice. What a blessing, joy and honor!
I am excited to journey through the next seven months with you and I hope that you are enjoying the delight of this time or cuddling close to your new bundle remembering and thanking God you are out of this season. I look forward to posting each week as my body grows and changes and blunders through.
Blessings to you.