and it begins.

The weaning process has finally started. Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever see the day. I've been talking about it for the last five months, complaining, pretending like I've started, assuring my husband that I've 'barely' nursed and on and on. The truth is, weaning was a complete mystery to me and I don't know that I wanted to wean. Okay, I know I didn't want to wean. Not because I wanted to nurse forever. Though the weight benefits are not to be discounted. I simply enjoyed the moments spent cuddling and connecting with my little guy. However, some side effects of pregnancy make nursing incredibly painful and for the first time Judah took a bottle. It's interesting that when he was four months old and only wanted a bottle I had an absolute fit and banned them completely, now that he's older I'm forcing them on him like a bad prom date.
I don't know if my child is high maintenance or I'm just a total enabler, but the only way I can get milk into him is to sweeten it with a little agave nectar and vanilla. Ah, to be the first born.
We're taking this time to also transition Judah out of our bed. Another thing I can't say I feel is as necessary as my husband does, but that's one of the good things about having someone pressure you a little. It forces you to do things you wouldn't always choose, even knowing they're the best.
Monday night, was the first evening I planned to not nurse all night if possible and therefore we decided to leave Judah in his bed, rather than move him to ours when we went to sleep. Yes, I know. I wouldn't wait for him to wake, I'd just automatically put him in my bed. I decided that I'd sleep on the floor the first night, just to make sure everything went okay. My husband being the sweetie he is chose to join me. I didn't realize the luxury of sleeping with my nursing boy until he woke every three hours and I'd give him a bottle and rock him back to sleep, then crawl back on the hard floor. Do you realize the joys of parenting yet? I couldn't believe Tuesday morning when he'd made it all night and hadn't nursed once. My baby boy was growing up. Which I hate and I love, a little.
Enter Tuesday. I went and bought a monitor so that we could listen for Judah from the comfort of our bed. Everything started okay, I could hear incredibly well, which I wasn't expecting, through the obnoxious buzzing. Only later would I realize the rustling didn't mean he was falling out of bed and the coughing didn't mean he was choking to death. I really am paranoid, though I try so hard to seem normal. By two when he first woke up I'd already been up twenty five times and hadn't managed to nod off once. By five I was dizzy with exhaustion and still hadn't managed to fall asleep. So, when the five o'clock wake up came I grabbed the bottle, put Judah in with Eric, strong armed his mattress into our room and gave it a permanent home at the foot of our bed. I then turned off the evil monitor, feeling confident I'd hear him if he needed me and fell into a deep blissful sleep for three hours. Then my day began.
I know that having him in our room isn't the end goal, but I am a baby step person. For now it's enough that he's out of our bed and, as amazing as this is, without the option to nurse at hand he's started to wake only once a night! Oh my goodness, I can't describe the beauty of an almost whole night sleep! It means I can start and finish a dream, now there's something to be thankful for.
You'd think somewhere in this I'd have advice for others attempting the same process. I guess, try vanilla milk, but really I think that when it's right it just clicks. It's one of the many things of parenting that doesn't really have a set 'way'. But in its time, at the right time, it'll pull together. Until then, just enjoy the little face that's being nourished by your body, the breath against your skin and the smell of their sweet baby self. It's a joy.